Vacation Lessons

When it comes to vacations, Clark Griswold and I have much more in common than I would like to admit.  That’s why our recent nearly seamless vacation (if you don’t count the tornado warning and one of my kids falling down a flight of stairs) was incredibly relaxing.  We went to Perdido Key, Florida and other than seeing the Blue Angels one morning and going on a dolphin cruise one night, we had absolutely nothing planned.  There was no rushing from thing-to-thing; we just did whatever we felt like at the time.  This gave me time to read, reflect and relax.  There are a few lessons that I brought back from this vacation that I’d like to share with you.   

It’s more important to do things WITH your kids than it is to do things FOR your kids.  You’re probably not like me, nerdy and an embarrassment to not only your children, but to children everywhere.  So, be yourself and have fun with your kids.  Play!  I know that your knees probably creak like mine do, but get down in the sand and build sandcastles with them.  It’s so easy to sit in your beach chair, chill and watch them build sandcastles, but it’s so much more important to build sandcastles WITH THEM.  Do you want your children to remember you as a passive spectator or as an active participant in their childhood memories?  What do you remember of your dad?  Do you remember playing catch with him in the back yard or him dropping you off for your practice with your pitching coach?  We as a culture have farmed out much of our chances to interact with our kids to professionals.  It’s more important to do things WITH your kids than it is to do things FOR your kids. 

       

Live in the moment.  This is something we really tried to focus on while at the beach.  As soon as we would drag the beach cart with all of our supplies and get everything set up, the kids would begin to ask when we were going to the pool.  We tried to get them to focus on what we were doing right then, instead of what we were doing next.  By the end of the week they were repeating back to me in the most bored, monotonous tone they could muster, “We know Dad, live in the moment.”  In our culture today it is hard to do this, because everybody is always wondering what’s next or what everybody else is doing.  Smart phones and social media have only made this natural tendency worse.  This week I sat next to a gentleman at a St. Louis Cardinals game who was in his late 50s, early 60s.  He easily spent 75% of his time at the game looking at his phone…no exaggeration!  Why did he buy a ticket?  He basically paid money to sit in a stadium seat at a sporting event and play on his phone!  I realize that he may not have been a huge baseball fan, but I’ve seen this happen in many a venue.  I’ve seen groups of friends completely ignore each other to communicate with their friends that weren’t present.  I know that you have too.  Part of living in the moment is being “all in” with your surroundings and the people around you.  Experience your life, not the digital representation of somebody else’s!  Live in the moment.

Catch as many sunrises and sunsets as you can.  We go through life at such a hurried pace that we don’t often take time to appreciate the breaking of a new day or the magnificent hues of a sunset.  I love to run early in the morning or late in the evening, because you get to witness one of the most incredible moments of the day.  It also gives you time to think about the coming day or reflect on the events that transpired during the day.  We sit in our air conditioned & heated homes and tend to lose touch with creation & the beauty of daybreak and dusk.  Start off or end the day by enjoying the gift of another day that God has given you and the uniqueness of it.  Catch as many sunrises and sunsets as you can.       

It's Over

If you haven’t heard, we caved and didn’t last for the entire 12 months as a one car family as planned.  Are we failures?  Losers?  Two-car dorks?  Undisciplined?  I guess to some extent, yes, yes, yes and yes.  You risk being called all of these when you put a goal out there in cyberspace. (does anyone even use that term anymore?)  Our goal was 12 months and we made it 10 months.  Not bad, but that’s like finishing 21.83 miles of a 26.2 mile marathon.  DNF.  We did not finish. 

But we are OK with that.  We learned a lot about ourselves and our culture in the process.  We also hopefully taught some valuable lessons to our children about needs vs. wants.  Hopefully, they will remember this crazy 10 month period when their goofy parents decided to embark on a nowhere near mythic adventure of being a one car family. 

I must admit that the one car thing wasn’t as challenging or exciting as I thought it was going to be.   No breakdowns that left us stranded, no accidents that totaled the only transportation that we had, only a few times of conflicting schedules – which were quickly and easily dealt with.   It was actually kind of boring!!!   

I can’t go any further without thanking my beautiful wife and her willingness to sacrifice the convenience of having a vehicle at her command when she wanted to go somewhere.  She is an incredible soul and I don’t know of many who would be willing to do what she’s done over the last 10 months.  God blessed me undeservedly when He put us together.  Thanks Krys.

I would also like to thank our incredible friends who gave us rides when we needed them and also my Mom & Dad who would let Krys borrow their car on occasion.  You guys rock!!

Before I close, I’d like to share one of the things that I learned during this process.  It’s that we tend to over-plan and over-compensate for any potential problems & perceived risks.  Most of the things we worry about never happen.  Jesus says in Matthew 6:34  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.   This is one lesson that I found to be incredibly useful and true over the last 10 months.  We worry about things and try to take care of them on our own by planning with Plan B, Plan C,  Plan D, and The Doomsday Scenario.  What if the energy that we used planning for tomorrow and minimizing risks was used to live in the moment?  What would your world look like if you viewed today with hope and optimism, instead of worrying about tomorrow in fear?  I don’t have it down yet and I may never, but I think that our little experiment has helped me to grasp this truth more tightly.     

Our New Quest

Our family of five committed last August to being a one car family for at least one year.  It has been inconvenient at times, but we’ve managed just fine.  There have been certain challenges that have been car model specific.  For instance, the limited space in the backseat of our 2010 Corolla has been very challenging with 3 kids (especially with one in a car seat).  This also results in a significant amount of time for the entry/exit of the kids.  So, we have been considering upgrading to a larger vehicle for more space and I drove by a few dealerships last Saturday to check out their van selections.  Yes, I know… vans are what every little boy dreams of driving when they grow up.  However, they do offer incredible amenities for a family that few other vehicles offer:  Sliding side doors and a walk through middle row, seats so wide apart they have their own zip code, and a cargo bin in the back that can comfortably fit any respectable mobster.  We hope that these features will produce the benefits of saved time entering and exiting the vehicle, fewer fights between the kids in the car (because they can’t reach each other), and not having to leave something behind on a trip because we don’t have enough space.  Another added feature is that someone else will be able to ride along with our entire family on our exciting adventures.

We knew that the base MSRP on most vans is knocking on $30k and that we wouldn’t trade unless it made sense.  There were several 2011 models of the Nissan Quest at a dealership that were deeply discounted, due to being last year’s model.  Let me say without going any further, that God’s hand was completely in this transaction.  How many times have you gone to an auto dealer and got what you asked for without any haggling?  Anyone???  Anyone???  Check this out…I was able to buy a brand new 2011 van for less than its clean trade-in value and received more than clean trade-in value on my 2010 Corolla!  How many times has that happened in modern automotive history?  I’m not bragging on myself, because I had nothing to do with it.  I’m bragging on God.  The monthly car payment increase and insurance increase add up to a total of $30 a month.  Not a bad deal, eh? 

We are really excited about this new chapter in our one car family adventure and believe that this new Quest will enable us to continue this adventure beyond August, if we choose to do so.  For those of you who think I wimped out, so be it.  We are still on our One Car Family Quest and are headed in the right direction.      

Adversity - A Lesson from Grandpa Polk

Adversity is not something that we like to go through or even think about, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about this last week.  I think it goes without saying…but I’m going to say it anyway…. that adversity is relative.  What seems like a true hardship to one person is actually a lifestyle improvement to someone else.   Being a one car family in our culture would seem to be experiencing adversity to most observers, while it would be a blessing of enormous proportions in another culture.  As I’ve been thinking through adversity and its effects, a certain person that I know who experienced adversity kept coming to mind….my Grandpa Polk. 

Grandpa Polk was a lead miner in Southeast Missouri.  Beyond the obvious health and environmental concerns that went along with his profession, I don’t think it paid much.  Grandpa and Grandma had 6 kids and lived in a 2 Bedroom house.  To help keep this in perspective, I’ve got half the kids with twice the number of bedrooms. 

In the late 60’s something happened that changed Grandpa’s life forever….. something went horribly wrong at the lead mine.  There was an accident and Grandpa Polk was run over by a rail car.  He almost died and had to have one leg amputated at his knee and the other at his ankle.  I only have two memories of my Grandpa walking and they are both just little snippets of him walking through his house.  So, I didn’t know much about him prior to the accident.  My personal knowledge of Grandpa Polk is after adversity hit him hard.  There are several things I want to point out about his life after being hit with adversity that I think we all can learn from.

He didn’t give up.  He learned how to drive a vehicle using hand controls for the gas and brake pedal.  He went on many a camping trip and he would hook up the camper, drive, and set up the camper when he got to the campsite.  Setting up a pop-up camper isn’t much fun, but I can’t imagine doing it from a wheelchair!  I remember him building things, including a back deck and one time he tried to get out and mow his yard using a push mower….in his wheelchair!  He didn’t give up.  

Adversity brought out things that might have remained hidden.  Grandpa wrote a LOT of poetry.  I don’t know if he wrote much before the accident, but I believe that he had a lot more time to wax poetic after the accident.  The accident probably gave him a perspective that he previously did not have and could have provided fodder for his work.  Adversity shaped him in a way that let certain aspects of his being shine that might have otherwise remained untapped.  

He laughed with what he had left.  When Grandpa laughed, he shook.  I remember him, time and again, sitting in his wheelchair, bouncing up and down from laughing so hard.  Sure, I imagine that he had days that he felt down and wondered what-if, but I never saw it.  He laughed in spite of adversity.       

I don’t know what adversity you have experienced, are experiencing or will experience….but you will face adversity at some point.  It may not be as traumatic as the adversity Grandpa Polk faced or it could be worse.  My advice to you is to do as I have and learn from my Grandpa Polk….

Don’t give up.

Realize that adversity can bring out something beautiful and poetic in you.

Laugh with what you have left.

Dude, Where's My Car?

"Dude, Where’s My Car?"  I have said this to myself on a few occasions over the last 6 months as I have exited my workplace only to find an empty parking space.  It usually occurs when I have just hung up the phone with someone and told them that I was on my way.  I hurriedly step out of the door and then….SCREEEEEECH…”Dude, Where’s My Car?”  Oh yeah, Krystal has it this afternoon!  This hasn’t happened often, because we have a fairly steady schedule.  However, there are times when Krystal needs the car on a day that’s out of the ordinary and that’s when it tends to happen.  We have been doing this for 6 months and this has only happened a few times.  It is inconvenient, but not that big of a deal. 

If you would have told me 6 months ago that the “Dude, Where’s My Car?” experiences and having to downsize while packing for a two night camping trip would be the only memorable inconveniences that I would experience on this one car journey, I would not have believed you. 

This 6 month period has given me time to reflect on life and the choices that we make.  We often go through life making choices based upon what we see others do or what we perceive others think about us.  Our homes, cars, clothes, hobbies, etc. don’t always reflect who we are, but often who we want others to think we are or, ultimately, who we want to be.  It reminds me of the Styx song “The Grand Illusion”….  

 But don't be fooled by the radio, the TV or the magazines
They'll show you photographs of how your life should be
But they're just someone else's fantasies
So if you think your life is complete confusion
'Cause you never win the game
Just remember that it's a grand illusion
And deep inside we're all the same
We're all the same

You would think that anyone who has taken a basic Marketing course in college would see through “The Grand Illusion”; yet we get tripped up by our own pride and our desire to “be somebody”.  Beyond the life is like high school mentality, we are constantly on the prowl for comfort, a/k/a luxury.  We often have these things driving us as we make decisions.  Time and time again, we find that the material things that we thought would bring lasting joy only bring fleeting happiness.  Why do we continue down the road that leads to disappointment, without ever trying anything different? 

We chose to try something a little different.  It hasn’t been convenient all of the time and it hasn’t always been comfortable, but we have learned more about ourselves from trying something different than we ever would have by not challenging ourselves and just following the crowd.  We are half-way through our 1 year experiment and we are glad that we have made this choice for this season in our life. 

My encouragement to you…Step out of your comfort zone.  Be different.  It's worth it!  

Keeping Your Balance

The other night I ran 3 miles through our neighborhood.  It was about 40 degrees with a slight wind and I had some new tunes playing on my iPhone to help keep me motoring along.  After the run, I had a walk of about a quarter of a mile to the house and for the first time that night I looked up and noticed the canopy of stars above my head.  It was amazing!  The winter air was crisp, the moon a thin crescent and the stars seemed to pierce the sky with their white light.  I had run underneath this beauty for almost 30 minutes without ever noticing it!  Distracted by the task at foot and my music, I was oblivious to the majestic display above me.  I began to think about how we live life often passing the beauty all around us without even noticing it because we are so busy & worried about getting things done or are being completely distracted by technology.  Yet, if I would’ve focused on the stars above while running, I may have been seeing some stars spinning around my head.  For all of us, there’s a delicate balancing act between having your nose to the grindstone and stopping to smell the roses; each of us is unique and have our own natural bent towards favoring one or the other.  How do we insure that we are not becoming unbalanced as we run this race called life?

What follows is an admittedly incomplete list of things that will help us keep our BALANCE.

Be aware.  If you are like me, you can get so focused on a particular task that you are completely oblivious to your surroundings.  There are times when you could sneak an elephant passed me.  We each need to be aware of the roses around us before we can stop and smell them.    

Accountability is important.  Have people in your life that you respect that will tell you when they see your life getting out of balance.  Make sure that you heed their admonition.  Just because it’s something you don’t want to hear, does not mean that it’s not truth.

Proverbs 16:20  Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord.

 

Live each day as if it were your last.  It may be.  Live each day in view of eternity.

Avoid extremes. This seems redundant, since we are talking about balance, but it needs to be said.  This applies to all of life.  The way that you work…working 70 hour work weeks or having so much leisure time that people wonder if you even have a job.  The way that you spend your money…..having a monthly house payment that is more than you give annually to charity.   The way that you spend your time…. having every waking hour of the day scheduled out for you AND your kids or waking up every day wondering what in the world you’re going to do that day.   I could go on, but I think you get the point.  Philippians 4:5  Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

Never forget where you came from.  This will help you to become more humble.  When you understand who you are in the grand scheme of things it helps you to stay balanced. 

Philippians 2:3  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Carve out your down time.  Don’t wait for it to just happen, because it won’t.  Don’t just call it your down time, make it your down time.  Unplug.  Tell all your texting, twitter & facebook friends that you are going on the other side of the digital divide and turn your phone off.  Don’t worry!  They will all be there when you decide to plug back in.     

Excel in all that you do.  Be the best that you can be at work, home and play.  I know that you’ve heard the idiom that anything worth doing is worth doing right, but it is true.  

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

Four Months and Counting

It is hard to believe, but it has been over 4 months since we became a one car family!  We are already 1/3 of the way to our goal of one year!  I have to admit that becoming a one car family won’t be a reality show anytime soon, but it is not as boring as you might imagine.     

We have been able to handle it pretty well.  There are usually 2 afternoons a week that Krystal has the car to run errands, but sometimes more.  Krystal has been awesome throughout this entire experiment and we couldn’t pull it off without her cooperative spirit.  However, the biggest test is yet to come, with the Christmas season bearing down upon us.  This is the time of the year that we usually have schedule overload.  For example, this year we have a kid’s band recital, an employer Christmas party, and a family Christmas party…..all on the same night!!!  Luckily, that is an anomaly this December and everything else is spaced out fairly well.  If we can make it through the Holiday Season unscathed, it will bode well for the rest of our journey.

As you probably know, I’m a number-crunchin’ geek.  That being said, here are a few REAL DOLLAR statistics from the last 4 months.   Over the last 4 months we have averaged saving $91 a month in gas expense when compared to the previous 5 month average.  I believe that I know what you’re thinking right now…..all of that sacrifice for that?  But check this out….conservatively assuming $3.30 per gallon of gas and 25 mpg, we have driven 689 miles less a month than when we had two cars.  That adds up to 8,271 miles a year or 330 gallons of gas.  So, in three years, the mileage would be roughly once around the earth and roughly 1,000 gallons of gas!!  Put that in your carbon footprint pipe and smoke it Mr. Gore!!  I’m not willing to say we’re doing it for three years, but that’s pretty amazing!  Keep in mind that in addition to the gas savings, we are saving by not having to pay car insurance, maintenance, or a payment for an additional car. 

The factors that contribute the most to us being able to pull this off are that Krystal is a stay-at-home Mom and that we homeschool our kids.  Krystal has been a stay-at-home Mom for 9 years!  I believe that was one of the most important decisions that we have made as a couple. When we began that journey we knew that there would be sacrifices involved, but we have found that those sacrifices pale in comparison to the rewards that we have experienced.