My Best of 2012

 “The only point of clocks and maps, the only point of looking back, is to see how far we’ve come”

- Dawes

2012 ends today and the news, itunes, you name it, is flooded with various Best of 2012 lists.  I thought I’d add my own list to contribute to the cacophony (whew! Finally finished my last New Year’s resolution; to use the word cacophony at some point during 2012.) 

My top 5 of 2012

My 17^th anniversary – In a world that is full of things that tear couples apart we celebrated our 17^th year together. I am truly a blessed man, because God has given me an awesome soulmate in Krystal.    Truly something to celebrate.  I love you Krys.

Spending time with my kids – We have laughed, danced, cried & learned together.  I have watched them discover more of who they are (sometimes with a little parental guidance.) 

Journey Campus - An awesome group of friends that are seeking to follow Christ’s will in their lives.  Blessed to call them my church.

Perdido Key, FL – Our family spent a week at Perdido Key Coves.  Sitting in a beach chair, with toes in the sand, while your kids frolic in the waves.  Hard to beat.  Did I mention the seafood?

26.2 – Trained for and finished my 1^st Marathon.  Something I never would have imagined a few years ago.  

Cleaning Out Gutters

Cleaning out gutters is never fun.  However, a few weekends ago, while performing this enviable chore, I experienced one of those thought provoking moments that only come while completing menial tasks. 

I began to think about how many times that I have cleaned out my gutters and how many times I will clean out my gutters in the future (insert gutter-guard commercial here.)

I mused about the fact that no matter how impeccably I cleaned out the gutters this time; I would have to do it again & again & again & again.  So, why waste time trying to do a good job?  These were MY gutters.  Beyond that, the quality of the job that I performed spoke of me as a person.  Would anyone ever come up to me and congratulate me for doing such an awesome job of cleaning out my gutters?  No.  That’s the beauty of this task…if I did the job right; no one would ever notice the gutters.  If I didn’t do the job right, the gutters would begin to fill with water regularly, sag, & eventually be pulled from the eaves of the house.  There are many things in life like this.  This is the definition of character to me.  Doing what you know is right whether anyone will ever know or even notice.  Doing it repeatedly, season after season, oftentimes without reward, because it’s the right thing to do.  Like cleaning out gutters, it’s not a lot of fun sometimes, but over the long run it’s worth the effort.

During this chore, I also contemplated the frailty of the leaves that I lifted out of the gutter and into the bag.  These leaves had given me hope in the spring and shade in the summer, but their time had come and gone.  The leaves are like many things in life, they come and go.  We worry and fret over things that seem permanent, but are only there for a season.  And like these leaves, they may seem beautiful at first, but before we know it they turn into a real pain!  We allow these fleeting things to consume and control us.  We want things fixed and we want them fixed FAST!  We don’t like cleaning gutters or dealing with problems that are clogging our lives, but I have found that it’s not really about the problems, but the process we are going through.  We can learn more about ourselves in difficulty, as it shapes us, than we ever could otherwise.  Dealing with difficulty is a part of our existence.  Jesus said “In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33   Our Heavenly Father knows what we go through and he sees the eternal purpose of our situation, not just the temporary nature of our troubles. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  So, don’t let the weight of your worry drag you down.  Lay it at the feet of the only one who truly understands.

The Marathon Journey

I ran my first marathon in Memphis last Saturday and it was an experience that I will never forget. 

I had a friend tell me that it’s about the journey not the finish, which is very true.  The journey included 4 months of training, which was difficult.  A little more than a month before the race, I had decided I was just going to run the half marathon instead.  Then, I drove to Oklahoma with some buddies to help pace Jimmy Brown as he ran 100 miles in 25 hours and 11 minutes.  After witnessing this incredible feat, I decided that if he could run 100…I could run 26.2.  I ramped up my training to be able to finish the marathon.  Along my journey of 26.2 miles I saw some interesting & inspirational things. 

Mile 3 - I saw the back of a girl’s shirt that said “Life is short…Running makes it seem longer” Not long after I spotted it she pulled over to the side and began walking.  As I ran past, I noticed that she was about 6 months pregnant.

St Jude Campus – Running through the campus of St. Jude Children’s Hospital was a humbling experience as patients & their families cheered us on.  This was, without comparison, the most inspiring section of the race.    

Mile 12 – This was the mile in which the half marathoners split off from us.  It seemed about 75% of the runners left us.  I had a moment of weakness about 200 yards past the turn. I considered taking the easy way out and running back to the turn and finishing the half only.  I’m really glad that I didn’t.   

Mile 18 – A couple of things happened in mile 18 that messed with my mind a little bit.  I caught up with a girl who was limping along on the side of the road like a zombie.  She was really having trouble with her left knee.  She would limp along for a little and then work up into a run and would go for a while before she had to walk again.  I don’t know if she finished or not, but it was painful to watch.

The next thing that happened is a little painful to admit.  I had been using a 70-something year old woman as my pacer up ahead.  She was running at the pace I had pre-determined for my first half and was a really steady runner.  In mile 18, grandma left me like I was standing still.  There.  I said it.  At this point in the race a lot of runners were sitting on the curbs and stopping to stretch and stopping period.  The herd was thinning.    

Mile 21 - I was passed by a one legged man.  I ended up passing him again, but needed to stretch.  I was stretching near a light pole and he ran by and called out “come on man, you can do it!”  Pretty inspiring that he was calling me out, but at the same time, pretty depressing that he was calling me out.

Mile 23 – some guy was holding a sign that said “Remember 4 months ago when this seemed like a good idea?”  It took everything I had to not punch him in the face.

Mile 24 – Oscar the Grouch was passing out water, standing there in his trash can.  I asked him “Am I hallucinating Oscar?”  he replied “I’m real man!”

Mile 25- One mile to go to the finish line inside of AutoZone Stadium and every time I looked up at the stadium lights, they seemed farther away. 

Mile 26 – DOWNHILL entrance to AutoZone Stadium.  Ran along the warning track & saw my beautiful wife Krystal on the front row yelling for me.  I was more happy to see her face than I was the finish line.  Thank you Krys for cheering me on and being my soul mate!

I am now a marathoner.  Crazy to think that a little more than 2 years ago I had not run more than 1.5 miles at a time.  I thank God for the ability to run and I enjoy spending time with Him while I run.  As Eric Liddell says in Chariots of Fire, “when I run I feel His pleasure.”

Contentment

Earlier this month I was able to take someone on their first tour of our community’s high end subdivision.  There are some mammoth homes there and they responded to what they saw with a great question…”How?”  That’s something we often ask ourselves when we see somebody pull something off we can seemingly only dream of.   How are they able to do it?  We come up with reasons that they are able to pull it off and we are destined to never come close.  Their parents are doctors and lawyers and we come from a long line of failed paint-by-number artists and carnival folk.  Their grandpa and grandma on both sides gave them a sizable inheritance and the only inheritance we’ll receive from our grandparents is a short-fused temper.  They are selfish and we, on the other hand, are so very incredibly charitable.  They got a full ride college scholarship or their parents actually paid for their college, while we will still be paying off our student loan debts when we receive our first Social Security check.  They achieved it by cheating others and doing the wrong things repeatedly, while we always try to do the right thing.  We justify the difference by telling ourselves that they have had an unfair advantage.

 

We go through these justifications to make ourselves feel better.  If we were truly content we wouldn’t need to justify to ourselves why we don’t have a 7,000 square foot house and somebody else does.  Paul is a great example for us as he writes in Philippians Chapter 4 “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”  Keep in mind that he wrote this while imprisoned!  Now that’s contentment.           

Let’s change gears now…what about the opposite situation…when we see someone who has virtually nothing?  A few weeks ago I saw a guy who was pushing a shopping cart along Stadium Blvd. and it was obvious that he hadn’t bathed or ran a comb through his hair in a really long time.  To what do we attribute the difference between him and ourselves?  We often think of several character flaws that could have put him in that situation; things like addiction, laziness, or an inability to function in society.  We wonder what went wrong along the way that could’ve led to homelessness and we unfairly put the fault squarely upon him or her without knowing the full story.  We justify the difference by telling ourselves that we are and will never be like them.   

If we are honest with ourselves, we are often discontent when seeing someone who has more and we are bothered, yet content with someone who has virtually nothing. Why is that?  Has our culture prized possessions over people to the point that this is normal?  I know that we are fearful to extend help to the homeless because we don’t know them and they could take advantage of us and possibly harm us.  We don’t want to give them money, because we think they’ll spend it on their addiction.  What they need isn’t more possessions to push around in their cart or a house with a garage to park their new cart in.  What they need is love…the love of Christ.  What we need is contentment…contentment to stop striving for the newest gadget and the biggest house.  Then we can focus all of that energy we previously spent on getting more and more stuff on showing the love of Christ to our fellow man.

Showing mercy to those who’ve been shown no mercy. 

Offering grace to those who’ve been condemned. 

Forgiving others as we have been forgiven.

I hope I never forget the piercing blue eyes of the homeless man pushing a shopping cart through town, who could have just as easily been me.             

Vacation Lessons

When it comes to vacations, Clark Griswold and I have much more in common than I would like to admit.  That’s why our recent nearly seamless vacation (if you don’t count the tornado warning and one of my kids falling down a flight of stairs) was incredibly relaxing.  We went to Perdido Key, Florida and other than seeing the Blue Angels one morning and going on a dolphin cruise one night, we had absolutely nothing planned.  There was no rushing from thing-to-thing; we just did whatever we felt like at the time.  This gave me time to read, reflect and relax.  There are a few lessons that I brought back from this vacation that I’d like to share with you.   

It’s more important to do things WITH your kids than it is to do things FOR your kids.  You’re probably not like me, nerdy and an embarrassment to not only your children, but to children everywhere.  So, be yourself and have fun with your kids.  Play!  I know that your knees probably creak like mine do, but get down in the sand and build sandcastles with them.  It’s so easy to sit in your beach chair, chill and watch them build sandcastles, but it’s so much more important to build sandcastles WITH THEM.  Do you want your children to remember you as a passive spectator or as an active participant in their childhood memories?  What do you remember of your dad?  Do you remember playing catch with him in the back yard or him dropping you off for your practice with your pitching coach?  We as a culture have farmed out much of our chances to interact with our kids to professionals.  It’s more important to do things WITH your kids than it is to do things FOR your kids. 

       

Live in the moment.  This is something we really tried to focus on while at the beach.  As soon as we would drag the beach cart with all of our supplies and get everything set up, the kids would begin to ask when we were going to the pool.  We tried to get them to focus on what we were doing right then, instead of what we were doing next.  By the end of the week they were repeating back to me in the most bored, monotonous tone they could muster, “We know Dad, live in the moment.”  In our culture today it is hard to do this, because everybody is always wondering what’s next or what everybody else is doing.  Smart phones and social media have only made this natural tendency worse.  This week I sat next to a gentleman at a St. Louis Cardinals game who was in his late 50s, early 60s.  He easily spent 75% of his time at the game looking at his phone…no exaggeration!  Why did he buy a ticket?  He basically paid money to sit in a stadium seat at a sporting event and play on his phone!  I realize that he may not have been a huge baseball fan, but I’ve seen this happen in many a venue.  I’ve seen groups of friends completely ignore each other to communicate with their friends that weren’t present.  I know that you have too.  Part of living in the moment is being “all in” with your surroundings and the people around you.  Experience your life, not the digital representation of somebody else’s!  Live in the moment.

Catch as many sunrises and sunsets as you can.  We go through life at such a hurried pace that we don’t often take time to appreciate the breaking of a new day or the magnificent hues of a sunset.  I love to run early in the morning or late in the evening, because you get to witness one of the most incredible moments of the day.  It also gives you time to think about the coming day or reflect on the events that transpired during the day.  We sit in our air conditioned & heated homes and tend to lose touch with creation & the beauty of daybreak and dusk.  Start off or end the day by enjoying the gift of another day that God has given you and the uniqueness of it.  Catch as many sunrises and sunsets as you can.       

It's Over

If you haven’t heard, we caved and didn’t last for the entire 12 months as a one car family as planned.  Are we failures?  Losers?  Two-car dorks?  Undisciplined?  I guess to some extent, yes, yes, yes and yes.  You risk being called all of these when you put a goal out there in cyberspace. (does anyone even use that term anymore?)  Our goal was 12 months and we made it 10 months.  Not bad, but that’s like finishing 21.83 miles of a 26.2 mile marathon.  DNF.  We did not finish. 

But we are OK with that.  We learned a lot about ourselves and our culture in the process.  We also hopefully taught some valuable lessons to our children about needs vs. wants.  Hopefully, they will remember this crazy 10 month period when their goofy parents decided to embark on a nowhere near mythic adventure of being a one car family. 

I must admit that the one car thing wasn’t as challenging or exciting as I thought it was going to be.   No breakdowns that left us stranded, no accidents that totaled the only transportation that we had, only a few times of conflicting schedules – which were quickly and easily dealt with.   It was actually kind of boring!!!   

I can’t go any further without thanking my beautiful wife and her willingness to sacrifice the convenience of having a vehicle at her command when she wanted to go somewhere.  She is an incredible soul and I don’t know of many who would be willing to do what she’s done over the last 10 months.  God blessed me undeservedly when He put us together.  Thanks Krys.

I would also like to thank our incredible friends who gave us rides when we needed them and also my Mom & Dad who would let Krys borrow their car on occasion.  You guys rock!!

Before I close, I’d like to share one of the things that I learned during this process.  It’s that we tend to over-plan and over-compensate for any potential problems & perceived risks.  Most of the things we worry about never happen.  Jesus says in Matthew 6:34  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.   This is one lesson that I found to be incredibly useful and true over the last 10 months.  We worry about things and try to take care of them on our own by planning with Plan B, Plan C,  Plan D, and The Doomsday Scenario.  What if the energy that we used planning for tomorrow and minimizing risks was used to live in the moment?  What would your world look like if you viewed today with hope and optimism, instead of worrying about tomorrow in fear?  I don’t have it down yet and I may never, but I think that our little experiment has helped me to grasp this truth more tightly.     

Our New Quest

Our family of five committed last August to being a one car family for at least one year.  It has been inconvenient at times, but we’ve managed just fine.  There have been certain challenges that have been car model specific.  For instance, the limited space in the backseat of our 2010 Corolla has been very challenging with 3 kids (especially with one in a car seat).  This also results in a significant amount of time for the entry/exit of the kids.  So, we have been considering upgrading to a larger vehicle for more space and I drove by a few dealerships last Saturday to check out their van selections.  Yes, I know… vans are what every little boy dreams of driving when they grow up.  However, they do offer incredible amenities for a family that few other vehicles offer:  Sliding side doors and a walk through middle row, seats so wide apart they have their own zip code, and a cargo bin in the back that can comfortably fit any respectable mobster.  We hope that these features will produce the benefits of saved time entering and exiting the vehicle, fewer fights between the kids in the car (because they can’t reach each other), and not having to leave something behind on a trip because we don’t have enough space.  Another added feature is that someone else will be able to ride along with our entire family on our exciting adventures.

We knew that the base MSRP on most vans is knocking on $30k and that we wouldn’t trade unless it made sense.  There were several 2011 models of the Nissan Quest at a dealership that were deeply discounted, due to being last year’s model.  Let me say without going any further, that God’s hand was completely in this transaction.  How many times have you gone to an auto dealer and got what you asked for without any haggling?  Anyone???  Anyone???  Check this out…I was able to buy a brand new 2011 van for less than its clean trade-in value and received more than clean trade-in value on my 2010 Corolla!  How many times has that happened in modern automotive history?  I’m not bragging on myself, because I had nothing to do with it.  I’m bragging on God.  The monthly car payment increase and insurance increase add up to a total of $30 a month.  Not a bad deal, eh? 

We are really excited about this new chapter in our one car family adventure and believe that this new Quest will enable us to continue this adventure beyond August, if we choose to do so.  For those of you who think I wimped out, so be it.  We are still on our One Car Family Quest and are headed in the right direction.